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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Just a random urge to blog all over again.
While many people have upgraded to using tumblr i'm still using blogger(: WOOHOO!!
HAHA..
Just some stuff that has been happening. Dad's passed on, leaving me and the 2 girls behind.
I'm angry with God for taking away the wonderful father that I had though I never appreciated much what he has done for me. I used to resent him so much that I entertained thoughts of running away from home. I'm angry with God for not letting me wake up to reality soon enough! I HATE myself for treating him the way I did in the past! ); DAD, I AM SORRY!
Today at the bereavement support group, they had the labrynith walk thingy. We were told to think of 1 question we had to ask God before walking through the route. The first thing that we thought of, would be what we were gonna present to God on the route while we walk. As we all sat there, I had no idea why tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. I had mixed emotions. I was ANGRY with God, but at the same time, I had flashbacks of the wonderful times I had spent with DADDY. I really didn't know what to do at that point in time, only to cry. As I saw the rest walk up to they entrance of the labrynith, I was filled with more ANGER than anything else. I thought to myself, why did this happen to me? What was God's message for me? I lost mummy 10 years ago, and now, daddy. I really missed the both of them. Everytime when I see peers with BOTH parents with them, I feel like God has abandoned me somehow, leaving me an orphan. As I sat there, I totally shut God out. I was very angry with Him for doing what he did to me. What have i done? I'm so angry!

After the session ended, I did not talk to anyone about it, not even Geri. I felt that I had to spend some time pondering over what God wanted me to know through those feelings I had, those flashback that came to me as I sat there. Till now, I still cant get the message. Slowly but surely.





Current music: California Girls.
A song that both me and dar holds close to each other.



okay, sidetrack from all those feelings, I am GOING TO HONGKONG!!! (: WOOHOO!!

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