Just a random urge to blog all over again.
While many people have upgraded to using tumblr i'm still using blogger(: WOOHOO!!
HAHA..
Just some stuff that has been happening. Dad's passed on, leaving me and the 2 girls behind.
I'm angry with God for taking away the wonderful father that I had though I never appreciated much what he has done for me. I used to resent him so much that I entertained thoughts of running away from home. I'm angry with God for not letting me wake up to reality soon enough! I HATE myself for treating him the way I did in the past! ); DAD, I AM SORRY!
Today at the bereavement support group, they had the labrynith walk thingy. We were told to think of 1 question we had to ask God before walking through the route. The first thing that we thought of, would be what we were gonna present to God on the route while we walk. As we all sat there, I had no idea why tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. I had mixed emotions. I was ANGRY with God, but at the same time, I had flashbacks of the wonderful times I had spent with DADDY. I really didn't know what to do at that point in time, only to cry. As I saw the rest walk up to they entrance of the labrynith, I was filled with more ANGER than anything else. I thought to myself, why did this happen to me? What was God's message for me? I lost mummy 10 years ago, and now, daddy. I really missed the both of them. Everytime when I see peers with BOTH parents with them, I feel like God has abandoned me somehow, leaving me an orphan. As I sat there, I totally shut God out. I was very angry with Him for doing what he did to me. What have i done? I'm so angry!

After the session ended, I did not talk to anyone about it, not even Geri. I felt that I had to spend some time pondering over what God wanted me to know through those feelings I had, those flashback that came to me as I sat there. Till now, I still cant get the message. Slowly but surely.





Current music: California Girls.
A song that both me and dar holds close to each other.



okay, sidetrack from all those feelings, I am GOING TO HONGKONG!!! (: WOOHOO!!

Random urge to blog again.

this video is awesomely hilarious.. haha.
had the most hilarious convo with a friend today. contents of the convo as goes:
anyway, was wondering to myself, is it me or what?
why do most of the guys i fall for are gay. seriously. 4 so far already. this sucks


i was, like okay girl. i din really needa know that.
TTSH sucked all my money that i earned on the kota trip. wtf..

A random urge to blog..


today seems to be a very awkward day.
You seemed to be avoiding me, but why?
Have I done anything wrong?
Maybe, its liking you.
But if it is, please let me know, so I can stop liking you.
I know its gonna be a difficult thing to do, but I'll do it somehow if it makes you happy.
All I wanna see is you happy you know?
I doubt you'll ever read my blog.
But if you do, I hope you'lll know what I am thinking and feeling at this juncture.
Love is such an unfathomable thing I guess.

This is my message for you:
I really wish I could turn back the time to those days at L. Those happy times we had together, where I could talk to you about anything without this awkward feeling. Those times where we bitched about C together. Times where we would just FUCK CARE the world in our room and do stupid things. I really missed those times.
I really regret my actions that may have starlted you. I hope you forgive me.
Maybe its not the right time yet, or it may not be even destined that both of us will happen. I really wanna remain as good friends with you. Please do not allow this incident to jeopardise our friendship alright?
Please, Please, Please. I really love the friendship that we use to have till this thing happen. Promise me alright? I don't know how to talk to you face to face already. So I just have to resort to this method, and hopefully, you'll read it (which I doubt you would anyway).


ILY<3



Let's skip to the most exciting update(:
SURPRISED aunty RINI at lido today with a cake and 3 BIG candles cos she didn't wanna tell us her actual age. HAHA!! so 30 years old about there luhh hor AUNTY RINI? (: haha (I KNOW YOU WILL READ MY BLOG)
6 or none was all out together after the trip(: i really miss the langkawi times. (: haha..
had SAKAE buffet and was damn full after that. skipped dinner and had a donut bought by my irritating but adorable ah lian sister of mine.
OHH, while I was having sakae buffet, I saw Janaine, Kai and KOPI SOHH! (:
fast forward: hectic week next week.
SYF
RECCEE
MBS CAMP.
RAHHHH!! i miss my fellow CHA instructors. i miss doing camps with them):
Thank God for the regular meet ups(: I LOVE YOU PEOPLE! (: haha.

Ah wells, in life we've gotta move on. (:
looking forward to sat's party(: miss those bunch of kids(:
alrights. I'll be back when I have the urge to post something again(:
bye blog(:

Hi, I'm finally back to update my blog.. (: haha...
been busy lately!! shuttling too and fro from the hospice..
got back from langkawi(:
met great people! 6 or none! (:
GLENDON, EDWIN, WIDYA, AUNTY RINI, YUIN YUEN, JIEHAN!! haha...
part 1-3 nites are lovedd!(:
alice in wonderland was cool too! (: great company! (:
sat lets rock ST JAMESSS!! (: cant wait!
haha...
langkawi soon, to visit YUIN(: genting with 6 or none, still in the planning(:
YUIN is coming to SINGAPORE!! (: excited!
i am chatting with YUIN now, and she's super CUTE LUHHH!!
haha!!(:
I'm losing patience already. please help me.. thankks.
i am so tired of waiting..
some people say that you spend more than half your life waiting for someone else.. i think its true..

This one is dedicated to the Ace of Hearts aka Tungku Teng aka Lao Ban aka Ruwolf aka ....






A Soldier and a Deck of Cards



During the north African campaign, a bunch of soldier boys went on a long hike and arrived in a little town called Casino. The next morning being a Sunday, several of the boys went to church. A sergeant commanded the boys in church and after the chaplain had read the prayer, the text was taken up next. Those of the boys who had a prayer book took them out, but this one boy only had a deck of cards and so he spread them out.

The sergeant saw the cards and said "Soldier, put away those cards". After the Service was over, the soldier was taken prisoner and brought before the Provost Marshall. The Marshall said to the sergeant, "Why have you borught this man here?"



"For playing cards in the church, sir."

"And what do you have to say for yourself, son?"



"Not much sir" replied the soldier. The Marshall said, "I hope so. For if not, I shall punish you more than any man was ever punished."

The soldier said, "Sir, I have been on a march for about 6 days and I had neither Bible nor prayer book. But I hope to satisfy you Sir, with the purity of my intentions."



With that, the boy started his story:

"You see Sir, when I look at the ACE, it reminds me that there is ONE GOD.

And the 2 reminds me that the Bible is divided into 2 parts- the Old Testemant and the New Testemant.

And when I see the 3, I think of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

When I see the 4, I think of the 4 evangelists who preached the Gospel - they were Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

And when I see the 5, it reminds me of the 5 wise virgins who trimmed their lamps. There were 10 of them altogether, but 5 were wise and were saved, and the other 5 were foolish and were shut out.

And I see the 6, it reminds me that in 6 days, God made this great heaven and earth.

And I see the 7, it reminds me that on the 7th day, God rested from His great work.

When I see the 8, I think of the 8 righteous persons God saved when he destroyed this earth. There was Noah, his wife, their 3 sons and their wives.

And when I see the 9, I think of the lepers our Saviour cleansed and nine of the ten didn't even thank Him.

And when I see the 10, I think of the 10 Commandments God handed down to Moses on a tablet of stone.

And I see the KING, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven.

And when I see the Queen, I think of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

And the jack or the knave is the devil.

When I count the number of spots on a deck of cards, I find 365, the number of days in a year.

52 cards the number of weeks in a year

4 suits the number of weeks in a month

12 picture cards the number of months in a year

13 tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter

So you see, sir, my pack of cards serve me as a Bible, Almanac and Prayer.

-Anonymous

It's nice to know that you're secured with that someone. That even if the rain is pouring hard and the sky is almost dark, he'll never leave you just so you won't feel alone. Even if his friends had left him (and even if he has to be somewhere else) he'd still stay by your side, just so you won't feel alone.
It's so good to know that you have someone who'll be willing to help you cope up in every frustrations you're having. Every depressing moments, every down moments, every self-worthless-realization moments, he'd be there, not because you want someone to be with you, but because he wants to be with you.
It's great to know when a person appreciates every little thing you do. Even a smile would mean a lot to him, just because you own that smile. And that even if no words are expressed as long as the eyes understand, you'd be able to communicate, just like that.
It's overwhelming when a person tells you that he loves you for who you are. He may not have an answer when you ask him why, but really, he doesn't have to have reasons for loving you.
It's more grateful to know that someone is grateful to have you. We don't choose the people who enter our lives, so it must be luck that you have that person, then you have to be thankful. It may just be coincidence or fate, but whatever the reason is, you have to be thankful in having him the same way he is thankful for having you.
It's a wonderful feeling when you're on the verge of giving up the things you've worked hard for, someone isn't just helping you carry the weight on your shoulders, but he carries it on his own because he'd also be in pain when you are in pain. And then you'll realize, trials would all be worth it as long as you have him, not because he would do things for you, but because you gather all the strength you need, in him and his love.
It's a superb feeling when one is willing to take the risks just so you'll be happy. Unselfishness rule in him just so happiness would take over you.
It's a nice feeling that when you're apart, and days seem to be long, that person misses you. Yes, you might feel bad about not being with each other, but knowing that you feel the same way would drive those blues away, thinking, you'd fight over that feeling because you're looking forward to seeing each other, and that's something to be happy about.
It's a great feeling when he wants to be with you because of the happiness you have when you're together. That even if corny jokes and senseless stories are told, it won't matter as long as you're together.
It's a lovely feeling when someone thinks about your future, with or without him. He cares and he cares enough to think of you and what you'll be someday. But of course, he also wants to be in it someday.
It's a nice feeling when you can be who you really are with that person. No pretentions, no lies, no hypocrisy, because he accepts you for who you are. You can be funny, you can be embarrased, but it won't matter coz it doesn't matter to him. Trust and faith in each other keeps you alive. And it will always do.
It's good to know that you have someone who'll not have the intentions of breaking your heart. Instead, he would be willing to mend it, picking up the broken pieces of your heart that your past love have scattered in the ground. He may not be able to put the pieces back to where they really belong, but you shouldn't mind, because he had repaired that heart of yours, and he fixed it in his own way. He loves you in his own way, not the way your past did. He fixed your heart in a different way, to keep you from feeling the pains of your past heartache and to make you feel, the love, that he's unselfishly giving.
It's a great feeling when that person has every effort to let you feel what he feels for you. Because of the distractions, you may not hear him shout it to the world, but as long as you feel it, his efforts has paid off, big time. And when you feel the same way too... He'd feel as if he's the luckiest person alive.
... when in fact, you're more blessed to have him.
(http://www.inspirationalstories.com/16/1627.html)








Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."
Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."
After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.
At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.
Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.
(http://www.inspirationalstories.com/16/1630.html)


  Haven't been updating in a long time.
many things have happened.. relationships... family, work..
2 words, FUCKED UP!
anyway, thanks to RC, things have been going fine..
AUNTY ANGELINE! (: so what you want now? MOHAWKKKK?!?!
JAN!! its no longer angeline's secret!! its more like a bedtime story! (:
HAHA!
life needs to go on...
no matter what.
thanks all those around me.